On the Ledge
by perplexic
Summary: Because every downward spiral has to start somewhere. Drabble-ish Character Studies
1. Haga

It all started so innocently.

A few flipped skirts and wayward gropes at most.

You had probably been abnormally young when you started noticing girls for the first time. And as a young energetic boy of course you were curious. Its not as if anyone had specifically told you, _you can't grab girl's chests_,or _peeping in girl's windows is bad_.

Not yet anyways.

Of course that hadn't _stopped_ you or anything. If nothing else, that made it a game. Just like sneaking out for the thrill of getting caught, or drinking because your parents said you couldn't. Plus the looks on girl's faces was always _so_ cute, all blushing and indignant, and if you were really lucky then even a few tears.

Pair that adrenaline with the subtly pleasant ache that came with seeing the smooth curves of skin or the pale pink of lips and you was more than sold.

You were obsessed.

Naturally, in a respectful, reserved society like yours, such behavior could never stand.

Hammered into your young, impressionable head more than enough, over and over, _touching girls is bad_, _touching girls is bad_, _touching girls is bad_.

It didn't really stop you.

It's just now instead of being a blatant pervert, you were a closet pervert, or a kid with no concept of privacy, subtlety, or personal space in most peoples eyes. Because obviously, if you got a little too touchy feely with even guys, then it _must_ not be a sexual thing. _Obviously_.

That went on for a while.

It wasn't really unpleasant or anything, just kind of boring, kind of lonely, always having to restrain yourself that _little _bit, so as not to give in to any unsavory urges.

Because _damn it_ did you have urges. Sometimes it was an errant breeze toying with some girl's too short skirt. Other times it was as innocent as a tear and a blush on some poor heartbroken thing's face.

Then there was that one time in gym, when you weren't paying attention and plowed some guy clean over. Though _obviously_ through no doing of your own, you fell on top of the kid in a rather incriminating manner, and gender be damned, that boy blushed and almost teared up, shoving you off and calling you a pervert under his breath.

And that was how you met Aoyama.


	2. Aoyama

You really can't help but see the worst in people.

There was really nothing that had prompted it or set you on the road of pessimism. The teasing might have been part of it. A little too clean, a little too soft spoken, a little too shy for young boy to be. But really, what kid didn't get roughed up a little when they were younger? It builds character.

Or something.

You could call it a gift, or a curse maybe, but people are just so terribly transparent to you.

_The politician only does good to stroke his own ego, the stranger giving out candy is a child molester, the other kids only talk to you to copy your homework, people who attempt suicide are only looking for attention, the one who smiles the brightest has suffered the most, controlling types area almost always psychopaths, the quiet ones are usually evil—_

Or maybe you're just imagining it.

Yeah.

_Look for the small hopes_ you have to remind yourself. _Or else you'll turn into Itoshiki-sensei_.

You remember the first time you met your teacher. _Itoshiki Nozomu… Zetsubou-sensei…_

It all kind of went downhill from there.

Although you suppose not all of it was bad.

There was that time in the library.

Someone was throwing a general fit over Kudou, who was very pointedly not listening, and you had somehow gotten dragged into the conversation as the unfamiliar boy kept looking to you for agreement. Somehow that constituted friendship in the other boy's mind and he had always greeted you heartily in the hallways ever since.

That was how you met Kino.

Then there was that time in the gym.

Some kid ran into you, _literally_, and there is no way someone can fall like that accidentally. _No way._ And if that wasn't enough, that _look_, there is no word on earth that could have described that look except _perverted_.

No wait, _depraved_ works pretty well too.

And that was how you met Haga.


	3. Kuniya Kino

You had always hated something about that guy.

Maybe it was his looks. A simple boyish charm coupled with pretty boy face that could only be achieved by not wanting it.

Maybe it was his attitude. Always so composed and untouchable, like he was in a world all his own that no one else could ever see.

Maybe it was his eyes. Not so much the admittedly feminine eyelashes, but the deep, swirling detachment that simmered beneath them.

What it absolutely was _not_ however, was the way he so effortlessly gathered people's brittle attentions, only to crush them underfoot, crumbling like leaves in his wake.

_Just like your older brother. Just like your younger sister. Just like—_

But that wasn't it.

Not at all.

You just couldn't understand it was all.

You liked reading too, but you couldn't make up a good story to save your life. You couldn't bring someone to their knees with words alone or pinpoint just the hairline fracture in people's facades to shatter their composure so perfectly.

It was really selfish actually, the way he wouldn't even look you in the eye when he'd do it. Like somehow, the world you lived in just wasn't good enough for him and his pretty words.

Speaking of unobservant, you look at the shirt that had made its way into your hands amid your musings, and wonder how you hadn't noticed yourself picking it up, in all its neon green, leopard printed glory.

It's kind of charming, in a gaudy, eyesore sort of way.

You also wonder how you hadn't noticed the utterly dumb-stuck, vaguely appalled look your mother has been giving you.

With a reassuring smile in her direction, you place it back on the rack.

She seems relieved and turns back to browsing.

You then proceed to pick up one in your size, looking between her and the shirt.

You buy it.


	4. Jun Kudou

Sometimes, when you fiddle the fragile pages of your father's old books and breathe in the ancient dust trapped between their pages, you can almost hear his voice again.

_You'll understand one day son_.

That's what he said whenever he refused to play with you, that was what he said when he left on long trips, and that's what he said when he ran frantically back into the burning house to save his precious collection of rare fairy tales.

In the end you were left with no parents, no house, and lots and lots of books, and somehow, in the back of your mind, you hoped you'd never understand.

But you grandfather is a kind and patient man, and went through pains to see that these last vestiges of your father's passion were always close at hand. Though it was ultimately chance that led you back to them.

You had been assigned a project to read a fairy tale and share with the class what it was about, and being the practical sort that you were, you figured that they would work as well as anything.

So you read one.

And then you read another.

And another.

And another and kept reading until your grandfather had to physically pull the book from your hands to call you back to reality.

Those magical journeys and heart wrenching tales filled something that had been deep and still inside of you for far too long, something that had felt strangely hollow and anxious for as long as you could remember.

The next day your mind was so full of fables and adventures that you decided to tell as story of your own, and you think that's when you first earned your prolific reputation.

The teacher had cried.

The girls had cried.

The boys rubbed their eyes a lot and totally did_ not_ cry.

And you began to understand.

This was not a passion, nor was it a gift. This was your father's curse.

And somehow, you couldn't help but love it.

-oOo-

**AN:** Yay, all finished. I don't really know where I was going with these, but it was really just me dreaming up some back story and trying to get a feel for some of the male students. Seriously, though, even Usui-kun got more back story that these guys, and that's just sad.

Well, at the very least I hope it was amusing for someone out there. Thanks for reading! :D


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